Victory And Lyme

My name is Victoria. It means "victorious one". That's not a title I earned; it was given to me before I had done anything. That is why it is an identity I can rest in, just like every follower of Jesus can.

When my body became extremely sick, I leaned into my identity in Christ. As more than a conqueror through him (Romans 8:37), I learned to live in the tension of the already and the not yet—living with both victory and chronic Lyme disease at the same time.  Now my disability due to Lyme is intermittent.  I celebrate the days when I can move quickly, think sharply, and complete many tasks. During seasons that can last weeks or months, I move slowly due to vertigo, think through brain fog, and require extra hours of rest; I may not celebrate as much, but I am no less victorious. My seat at God's table is still secure.

I've often thought it was ironic, and absolutely believed it was spiritual warfare, that when I first agreed to work with churches in creating places of belonging for people of all abilities, I was suddenly unable to get out of bed due to vertigo and pain. 

It lasted years. Tests and treatment became my full-time job. Raising young children and working became tasks I needed a lot of support to accomplish. Research, study, and trial-and-error with unpleasant side effects were my courses;  doctors, specialists, counselors, and faithful friends were my instructors in what I call my unofficial master's degree program in chronic illness. Meanwhile, my relationship with church shifted. I could not attend the sensory-overwhelming worship services.  Some prayed over me for healing and rebuked the evil in my life that could be causing the suffering. A few months into my illness, I stopped hearing from my local congregation.  I prayed beyond “why?” to “what do I do with this?” while God prepared a place for me at the banquet table. A decade after all of that, I earned an academic Master’s Degree in Special Education to apply educational best practices for disability-inclusive learning to church contexts. 

Many disability advocates in the church take on that role because of a personal struggle of their own or someone they care for. I followed my mentor into this work and then learned what it is to live with disability. Chronic Lyme disease impacts my life, but currently, the disability due to it is intermittent. What that means for my work with churches is that God can use both my illness and my wellness. I do not need a disability ministry or specific accommodations for my family to participate in church, but I know what it is to be in that posture. I have experienced church hurt, being dechurched, and also being enveloped in wrap-around support from the larger Body of Christ. I have also been the parent of a child who could not meet expectations one day, received a diagnosis the next, and I noticed how everything and nothing changed all at once. Diagnoses in my family include ADHD, amblyopia, anxiety disorder, autism, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, chronic pain, dementia, diabetes, EOE, fibromyalgia, and others (if we wanted to keep going through the alphabet). 

What all of this means for me is that I come with humble expertise and an appreciation for vulnerability in leadership that I pray can help church leaders and others. Now that coaching churches to engage disability in the church is part of my job at The Banquet Network, I get to use this array of experiences to help churches become places of belonging where people of all abilities flourish.  Coaching ministry leaders through our attitudes about disability, or providing strategies for reaching people with disabilities, their caregivers, and loved ones, comes from both professional and personal experience. 

Disabilities, including those caused by Lyme disease, can impact anyone's life at any moment. God is not surprised when it happens. In fact, as one of my heroes, John Swinton, says, "God implicates himself in it." I believe that living with disability and victory means constantly surrendering to the King to whose banquet table we are invited. I'm excited to help churches experience that!